I had nothing to say and i get lost in the nothingness inside of me. But then i realized there is SOMEONE watching over me, HIS love endures forever.Yes. My brain is empty, my body is weak. I'm down and troubled. I'm sick and I'm tired. Tired of what? I don't know. Sick of life but not of living. I still want to live but i hate this life. Do you get me? Of course you don't. It's only me. The fault is my own, yes! The fault is my own.
How to survive life?
Iiyak mo lahat hanggang pati baga mo lumabas na sa mata mo. Ang sarap umiyak mag isa. Habang tinatawag si Mama. Somehow, gumaan pakiramdam ko. I prayed...
Life is HARD. Alam na siguro yan ng lahat ng tao. Iba lang din talaga utak ko, sa sarili ko alam ko yun. Ayoko lang muna ngaun na tinitignan ako ng mga tao. Ang hirap mag isip pag wala kang utak. Ang hirap magplano pag di mo alam ano ba talaga gusto mo. Ang hirap tignan ng mga kaibigan na nasasaktan para sayo. Pano ko masasabing 'wag nyo ko intindihin, ok lang ako' kung alam kong malaking insulto yun sa para sa mga kaibigan ko? Lahat daw ng tao my kanya kanyang swerte, alam ko yun, date na kong naniniwala dun. Alam ko rin na swerte ako dahil buhay. Mga additional swerte ko? :
- kumpleto katawan ko,
- nakapag aral ako,
- mataba ako ibig sabihin nakakakain pa ko,
- may magulang kapatid pamilya ako
- marami akong kaibigan
- nsa London ako, may winter depression nga lang
- at marami pa alam ko...
Pero pano ko iiwasan yung mga panahon na ganto nararamdaman ko? Na pakiramdam ko black bag nalang kulang sakin pwede na ko pick upin sa Friday at itapon (sana sa recycling ako masama). FAITH. I know God is EVERYTHING, He is my/our Redeemer, our Strength, our Life. I know He is there. Ako lang hinhintay Nya.
At the moment, I have nothing but negativity. Pero ayokong magpatalo, I wanted to push harder in this LIFE. Gusto ko malaman san ako dadalhin ng agos ng buhay. Mahirap pero eventually it will come to pass. Do i make sense at all? Ang sinasabi ko lang, KAYA KO toh! Kakayanin ko kasi kung ang battery nga my positive energy, ako pa kaya na tao! Gusto ko makarating sa gusto kong puntahan, somewhere I belong. And I believe God wants me to be there in the right time with the right faith. God never promise a hard life, He wants me to be happy, successful, rich, fruitful and to be a blessing. All these trials will come to pass. I will live a happy life together with all my loved ones. Together with CHRIST. Oo, fcuk the demons! Saying all these lies into my mind! Mga demonyong bumubulong sakin na wala akong mapupuntahan! Kampon ni satanas na nagsasabing isa akong talunan! FYI! I am a winner! I am a child of GOD! My God is a faithful GOD! I am a CHRISTian! I should be walking by FAITH and not by sight! And i declare restoration for my whole human being! I declare renewal of strength, renewal of heart! And as I was praying here in my blog my tears were over flowing, pero promise! This is one of the best feeling in this world! Yung iconfess mo ang kahinaan mo in a different way but deep down in my heart I know I'm praying. And I know HE is listening.
LIFE is hard, if you will make it hard. Life is like an egg, you can make it hard-boiled, soft-boiled or medium. And it will always be our choice, so Aubrey Mae Diaz Aguilar (ako yan) always choose GOD and always live life to the fullest. Be a winner! Dream, Believe, Survive!
Bigla kong naisip sana sumali ako sa starstruck,maybe, somehow that is where I belong as well.
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